Be Passionate, Be True to You, Be Kind

Be passionate about what you believe in. Don't lay down and give up on what you believe, but do so and strive to be kind, loving, and respectful. Otherwise, your argument loses all it's power, and you unnecessarily hurt the person you're talking with.

Ever since I was a little girl, I've had trouble keeping my sharp tongue in check. I used to smart off to my mom, bite my brother's head off, be rude to my dad, to my friends. Just after high school, I realized what I was doing and tried to not talk that way. But it was really hard not to slip back into it.

Just recently, I've reevaluated that way of talking to/arguing with people, and I've realized that disagreeing is okay. I used to think that if you disagreed that meant you were hurting that other person, or being mean. But that's not true. You can disagree, stick to your guns, and be passionate about what you're talking about and still be kind.

Let's say you disagree with someone about where you want to eat dinner, and for some reason, this really really upsets you. You have a few options.

[1] You tell the person you're arguing with that they're stupid, and you get mad. 

[2] You tell the other person that it really upsets you that they won't go where you'd like to go.

Now, granted, this is probably a terrible example of a good idea, because who's going to get that upset over food, but I've had arguments over lesser things with worse results. Either way, I think it's pretty clear which response is the one I'm advocating here. Both responses give the same answer, but one hurts the other person by tearing them down unnecessarily, while the other clearly expresses that you're upset, even angry, but you aren't taking jabs at the other person. In this way, I think your argument is augmented, more true, because you were respectful, and didn't back down without a good reason.

I can be one of the worst people when it comes to these choices. If I'm losing an argument, or my emotions start to run high, I can lose my head and take below-the-belt jabs. But I hate doing that. I realize, after countless arguments, what the difference was between an argument that left me, or the person I was arguing with, feel like poo, and an argument that was easy to dissolve with a compromise or an apology. The difference was they way we talk to each other.

You can disagree, and be respectful. You can disagree, and say exactly what you need to say, and be kind. You can passionately debate your side of something, and still be loving. I'm learning this, bit-by-bit, and I wanted to share it, so that maybe we can talk about it and help each other.