Nostalgia

It's so easy to look back on the great times in our lives and think, "if only I could go back to that day for a little while." I was looking through some old pictures today. Pictures taken two or three years ago during a time in my life when I needed friends more than anything, and God provided me with some of the best friends I've ever had. It's so easy for me to think back on those times and want to be back there.

But then I think about all I have now. I think about how wonderful my life is right now, and all the amazing things I have to look forward to. When I focus on those things, it's like I can't wait to get to THOSE moments, the ones that may or may not happen.

Why can't we, the human population, enjoy what we have now? Why do we always look backwards or forwards? I am trying to make it my mission to TRY and appreciate all the blessings I have right now. My God. My family. My boyfriend. My friends. My school. My teachers. There's so much more... so much in my life RIGHT now that I should be appreciate of, should be thankful for.

I feel lucky to have so many beautiful memories to look back on, and so many exciting things to look forward to. But mostly, I'm thankful for today, and for the wonderful people in my life.

Which brings me here.

God works in ways I will never really understand. He pulls me to Him whenever I start to stray, but it seems the only way He can get my attention is to really shake things up. For example, when I start to put a person before Him, He lets me know that the ONLY way to survive in this life is with Him, regardless of what people are in my life at that time.

Don't get me wrong. Every person in my life holds a special place in my heart. It's just, some people tend to take up more of my heart than others. For instance, My Ben. Ben is the first guy I've ever dated who really seems to accept me for me, no holds barred. He knows my weaknesses, my weirdnesses, my faults, my strengths, but he just accepts them all as the package that is me. I've never been with someone who was like that. I've never been with someone who was willing to listen to me, and talk to me about things. I've never been with someone who was willing to put up with the crap that I do, but who was just as stubborn as me. Ben and I are so similar. He is my opposite and my mirror-image. He's taken me by storm.

Because of all that, though, I've begun to lose sight of God again. I do this every time. I get into a relationship, or a friendship, or a series of books (which is like a friendship in a lot of ways) and I forget that all my happiness, all my trials, all my EVERYTHING is due to God, and without Him I would have nothing.

Which brings me here. To a point of having to balance the wonderful blessings that God has given me (My Ben, My Family, My Friends) with God Himself. Because He is the greatest of all of those. He has given me all of these things, these blessings, and to not hold Him above them all would be horrible. He has given me these things, He has blessed me with these things, and now it's time that I really thank Him for these things, instead of taking them for granted.