Timeline

My birthday was April 17th. I turned 26-years-old. 26 isn't a mile stone like 16, 21, or even 25, but it was a big milestone for me.

When I was younger, much much younger, I had a plan for myself. Graduate from college in 4 years. Get married after that, at 22 or 23. Have my first baby at 26. My second at 28. This plan seemed foolproof. For this plan to work I would have to meet the person I was going to marry, and actually marry them, in that time frame. What I failed to take into consideration was the fact that life doesn't work on a schedule. You can't just plan out these things. Life doesn't work that way.

For a long time, this really bummed me out. Every person I dated, I tried to force into the "husband" position so that my timeline would work like I wanted it to. And each time, those relationships fell apart and I was devastated because I had to start all over again. Because my timeline wasn't working out like it should.

But boy, am I ever glad that that timeline ended up being fiction.

If my timeline had worked, I would be in an unhappy marriage. I wouldn't have made the friends I've made. I wouldn't almost have my MFA. I wouldn't have taken the path that I'm on now--I wouldn't have learned what I have because of that path. I am just now, after a quarter of a century on this little blue and green planet, learning how to love like I should. Learning who I am. Learning what I want, and need, out of life. Learning what it is to live.

If my timeline had worked out, I'm sure I would find happiness. But I don't know that I would realize that, because I'm also just now learning how to find joy in everything, even if it doesn't go your way.

The path I'm on now is teaching me that, and I am so thankful to be on this path. To be in this life. I'm thankful my timeline didn't work out, and I'm thankful that I made the timeline in the first place. I'm thankful to be learning, and growing. I'm thankful for the times when those lessons are laughter and joy, and for when those lessons are tears.

On my 25th birthday, I hid from the world. I cried that I was getting "old" and that I hadn't achieved my goals. Well, I'm even older now, and on my 26th birthday, I laughed a lot. I smiled a lot. I spent a wonderful weekend with my family and friends. I felt young. I was happy. What a change a year can make on the way you view the world. I wonder what I will have learned in the next year. I'm excited to find out what that may be.