Strangely though, most of those times have been harder for me than before I was so hyper aware of it. As if becoming aware of it brought it into the light, and now I can't turn that light off, I can't even dim it. Now that this flaw of mine, this flaw of wanting to change myself constantly, has a big old spotlight on it, it's even harder to ignore when it creeps into my fluffy little head.
This is good, and this is bad.
It's good in that I AM aware of it now, and it isn't something that can just simmer beneath the surface and eat away at my self confidence slowly, like bacteria. But it's bad, in that now that I'm so hyper-aware of it, my OCD kicks in and I start to compound the issue by thinking, "I shouldn't think this way. I should be happy with who I am. But sometimes I DO want to change things. Is that wrong? What's wrong with me that I can't be happy with me?" And left to my own devices, I'll think myself dizzy.
In a way, even the bad is kind of good, because it's made me think about this whole thing more in depth. And while I tend to over think things a lot of the time, I think we owe it to ourselves to explore things to their fullest. That being said, here's the addition I've decided to tack onto my last post.
Should we want to be who we aren't?
No. Definitely not. I've never met someone
who didn't have at least a few really great qualities.
She we be happy with who we are?
Yes. We were made the way we are, and given the
abilities we have, and that's something pretty special.
BUT, should we work towards bettering
ourselves each and every day?
Yes. Yes we should.
To be clear, I'm not saying that I think if you go out and dye your hair, or buy a new dress, or a new car, or start acting or talking or thinking like someone else, that you're bettering yourself. On the contrary, I think those behaviors suppress the person that God created in you, and that is a travesty. What I am saying, however, is that if you have something in your life, in your heart, in your head, that is detrimental to you or the people around you, then changing THAT isn't a bad thing.
Let's say you're the girl from the last post, the one who thinks that if ONLY she could have the right hair color, her life would be perfect. This girl's flaw isn't that she wants to change her hair color, her flaw is the thing driving her to change her hair color.
Be happy with who you are,
and be ready and willing
to change the bits of you
hurt others, or hurt yourself.
I'm the kind of person who sometimes snaps at people without meaning to. They never deserve it, and more often than not, that person really cares about me. But, whether or not they care about me, I know that I shouldn't snap at them. All that's doing is hurting them, and adding to the anger in me, like little drops in a big bowl. A few won't fill it up, but if you keep adding drops, eventually it will overflow. Working to change this aspect of myself, working to be kinder with my words and to LOVE BIGGER, is a good change. It's a change that is for the right reasons.
If you change something for your emotional health, your bodily health, the health of your relationships, it isn't a bad thing. Be kinder. Eat better. Walk more. Learn something. None of these things are bad, and they're all changes...
The whole point of THIS blog, is to clarify what I mean to say in the last, and that is, don't change yourself, UNLESS you're changing things for the RIGHT reasons. As always, in my book anyway, it all comes down to love. If we love ourselves, then love others MORE than ourselves, things will be okay.
All of these changes come from love.
How can that be bad?
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