Nostalgia

It's so easy to look back on the great times in our lives and think, "if only I could go back to that day for a little while." I was looking through some old pictures today. Pictures taken two or three years ago during a time in my life when I needed friends more than anything, and God provided me with some of the best friends I've ever had. It's so easy for me to think back on those times and want to be back there.

But then I think about all I have now. I think about how wonderful my life is right now, and all the amazing things I have to look forward to. When I focus on those things, it's like I can't wait to get to THOSE moments, the ones that may or may not happen.

Why can't we, the human population, enjoy what we have now? Why do we always look backwards or forwards? I am trying to make it my mission to TRY and appreciate all the blessings I have right now. My God. My family. My boyfriend. My friends. My school. My teachers. There's so much more... so much in my life RIGHT now that I should be appreciate of, should be thankful for.

I feel lucky to have so many beautiful memories to look back on, and so many exciting things to look forward to. But mostly, I'm thankful for today, and for the wonderful people in my life.

Which brings me here.

God works in ways I will never really understand. He pulls me to Him whenever I start to stray, but it seems the only way He can get my attention is to really shake things up. For example, when I start to put a person before Him, He lets me know that the ONLY way to survive in this life is with Him, regardless of what people are in my life at that time.

Don't get me wrong. Every person in my life holds a special place in my heart. It's just, some people tend to take up more of my heart than others. For instance, My Ben. Ben is the first guy I've ever dated who really seems to accept me for me, no holds barred. He knows my weaknesses, my weirdnesses, my faults, my strengths, but he just accepts them all as the package that is me. I've never been with someone who was like that. I've never been with someone who was willing to listen to me, and talk to me about things. I've never been with someone who was willing to put up with the crap that I do, but who was just as stubborn as me. Ben and I are so similar. He is my opposite and my mirror-image. He's taken me by storm.

Because of all that, though, I've begun to lose sight of God again. I do this every time. I get into a relationship, or a friendship, or a series of books (which is like a friendship in a lot of ways) and I forget that all my happiness, all my trials, all my EVERYTHING is due to God, and without Him I would have nothing.

Which brings me here. To a point of having to balance the wonderful blessings that God has given me (My Ben, My Family, My Friends) with God Himself. Because He is the greatest of all of those. He has given me all of these things, these blessings, and to not hold Him above them all would be horrible. He has given me these things, He has blessed me with these things, and now it's time that I really thank Him for these things, instead of taking them for granted.

Love

Love. Love is something that isn't tangible, isn't quantifiable, isn't concrete, but it is the most important thing for human condition. Without love we would all be walking through a void of space without meaning or heart. Love is also something that isn't deserved or earned. It isn't something you can buy or go get when you want it. It is something that has to be given freely and openly.

Love is one of those things that sometimes you have to work really hard at, and sometimes is just there and simple. Either way, love is something to be cherished above all else. When you have love, don't take it for granted, and don't abuse it.

I feel lucky that I have so many people in my life to love, and who love me back. I treasure each of those people differently and I wouldn't trade them for anything. The great thing about love is it's always available, you just have to open yourself up to receive it.

The greatest love that I have ever experienced hasn't come from my parents (though their love is priceless) or from my boyfriend (who gives me love even when I don't deserve it) or from my friends, but from the Lord. I know how cheesy that can sound, coming from a Christian who is "supposed" to say that, but I say it with my whole heart, because even in my darkest hours where I felt like nothing would ever be right again, He has been there with me to show me His love, and to let me know that I'll get through. God's love is the kind of love that was there before you were born and is continuous for all of your life. You can make Him angry, you can make Him sad, but He will never ever stop loving you for any reason. His love is eternal, and pure. He IS love, in it's purest form.

This is why I say don't take love lightly. When you love someone, you are giving them the greatest gift they can receive. And when you are loved by someone, they are giving you the most priceless, most beautiful, most wonderful thing in the whole universe. Without God there would be no love, and without love there is nothing.

"Jesus was all about the idea that people are transformed... not by being loved, but by the act of loving somebody... no matter how difficult it is."

This Too Shall Pass

Whenever things get rough my mother always says, "This too shall pass." For a long time I didn't believe her. I didn't see the wisdom in those words. But now, at the ripe old age of 25, I am beginning to see how true and how beautiful those words are.

I can't tell you how many times I've gone into crisis mode for something that wasn't crisis-worthy. During said crisis I felt totally justified in my panic attacks, in my tears, in my racing heart. Looking back now I see how silly I was being from a logical standpoint. But I also remember how real those emotions were to me, so it is impossible for me to discount them.

Whenever my mother looks at me and says that whatever I'm going through will pass it gives me the courage to look ahead instead of being stuck in the muddy present. And it's true, because no matter what struggle we are facing, whether it's the panicked crisis of an adolescent girl or the real crisis of losing a loved one, it WILL pass and in time things will look up. As a teenager I couldn't see that, but now that I've gotten a little bit older it's getting much clearer.